The PoP! Stars narrow it down to the cream of the crop in categories ranging from (but not limited to) Comics, Movies, Toys and Geek Culture in general. This is the PoP! Top 6-Pack.
Remember what life was like before SyFy‘s original movie Sharknado was a thing? It was a simpler time where man-eating fish and cyclones didn’t associate with one another, and #Sharknado was neither a trending topic nor a punchline. Those days are gone. We now live in a post-Sharknado world. Thanks to social media buzz, not only was Sharknado a headline, but SyFy has already ordered a sequel, likely titled Sharknado 2: Electric Boogaloo. All bets are off in regards to SyFy original movies from here on out. Just as Die Hard created the “Die Hard on a BLANK” pitch for every action movie to follow in its bloody footsteps, D-grade horror schlock from here on out will rely on the “Shark. Tornado. Sharknado” formula. Take a terrifying wild animal, sprinkle in a dash of national disaster/extinction level event, ????????, and PROFIT. PoP! brings you six pitches for the next generation of SyFy original movies. Expect half to be in production by the time you finish reading.
“Tarantula! Avalanche! Tarantulanche!”
Construction on a new mountaintop ski resort in small town Spider Falls, Manitoba, Canada, disturbs the 10,000-year slumber of a pre-historic tarantula. It is up to women’s hockey star Lacey Webb (Mary Kate Olsen) and Mountie Wayne (Jason London) to save Spider Falls before the defrosted monsters lays eggs. Special appearance by Jeremy London as Mountie Wayne’s American twin brother, Garth!
“Global Warming! Swarm! Global Swarming!”
The depletion of the ozone layer has turned Earth into a sweltering hellscape, creating the perfect climate for Africanized-killer bees to thrive worldwide. Once plant-life becomes scarce, the bees turn on the few surviving humans. Led by expert climatologist Dr. Buzz Pistil (Ed Begley, Jr.) and apiculturist Honey Combs (Lauren Holly), the human resistance makes a final stand, sting or be stung. Cameo appearance by Vice-President Al Gore as the crazed mercenary, Inconvenient Truth!
“Hurricane! Anaconda! Hurriconda!”
A Category 5 hurricane emanating from the northern tip of South Africa is headed straight for The Big Easy, and it’s got a little extra surprise hidden in the tornado-force winds and torrential rains; a giant anaconda! Local New Orleans meteorologist Katrina Gale (Hilary Duff) and her cameraman Ward Levy (Chad Michael Murray) brave the elements to warn the locals before the Hurriconda squeezes the life out of the French Quarter. With Today Show‘s Al Roker as the director of FEMA!
“Maul! Volcano! Maulcano!”
The peaceful Alaskan Inuit village of Yogeebooboo rests in the shadow of long-dormant volcano, Mt. Grizlee. When the tectonic plates shift, causing Grizlee to erupt, it forces the mountainside bear population to escape into the unsuspecting village below. These aren’t just your average bears, however. Pollution of the aquifer has mutated these bears into fire-breathing, lava-spewing beasts just looking for their next hot meal. Featuring Lou Diamond Phillips as Sheriff Theodore Ruxpin, Charisma Carpenter as Mayor Ursula and Brent Spiner as seismologist Smokey Berenstein!
“Sasquatch! Apocalypse! Sasquatchalypse Now!”
The Pacific-Northwest has been the subject of new biological weapons testing, and Portland, Oregon has become a desolate wasteland overrun with radioactive zombie Sasquatch. Married cryptozoologists Harry (Stephen Baldwin) and Mary Henderson (Valerie Bertinelli) lead the last surviving Portland hipsters in an all-out-war against these biologically-enhanced Bigfoots. Featuring Dennis Haskins as legendary Sasquatch hunter Jacquille O’Neihl!
“Velociraptor! Rapture! The Velocirapture!”
When the godless heathens of Earth rise to the heavens, the few remaining Creationists are left behind to defend themselves and survive against hordes of genetically-engineered velociraptors. Featuring David Chokachi and Mena Suvari as Adam and Eve Darwin, the brother/sister curators of the Creation Museum, and Ving Rhames as Pastor Rex Flint, the now-atheist former leader of their Creationist congregation.
What do you think, PoP!ulation? Are any of these concepts up to par with Sharknado standards? Which would you most like to see on SyFy? What other combos of creature/emergency can you come up with?
*Special thanks to #GossipChristmas for helping brainstorm!
Filed Under: PoP! Top 6-Pack