Retcon This! Special Edition – Cobra Commander
In the ever-evolving landscape of comics, there are simply some things that should not have happened. In Retcon This, we examine some of the more questionable aspects of our beloved characters’ sordid histories.
Throughout the history of villainy, few evil masterminds have left a more indelible mark on the collective subconscious than Cobra Commander. Yet, why? What has he done? And what’s his deal? This week, we take a look back at the many permutations of Cobra Commander in the hopes of cobbling together a single viable character. Where better to begin, then, than…
The Origin of Cobra Commander
Marvel/Devil’s Due Comics - In the early days, the Commander’s origin was firmly established. Originally a used car salesman, the head snake became fed up with America when life stopped going his way, and decided he’d raise a terrorist army from the ground up. Sure. Who hasn’t done that.
Wassssss a man!
TV - The cartoon version of the commander had no origin - until the animated film revealed he was a hyper-evolved snake man sent into man’s world to conquer it on behalf of his fellow countrymen. Ummmm… right.
IDW - A former military operative, the individual now known as Chimera suffered a psychotic break and began a bid for wealth and power that ran him afoul of the newly formed Joe team.
THE WINNER - IDW. This was an easy choice. While the Commander’s story starts to wander into the ridiculous beyond this initial jumping off point, this is the only even remotely viable origin story.
The Look of Cobra Commander
Marvel/Devil’s Due/TV – The Commander was nigh-always depicted in a blue military uniform with either a blue hood or silver mask and blue helmet hiding his identity.
Battle Armor - I did say “nigh-always.” Eventually in the comics, the real Cobra Commander was replaced by an impostor wearing a silver suit of battle armor and a ridiculous helmet that made him look like a reject mob from The Legend of Zelda. This look even made it to the cartoon, where CC donned the armor after… ummm… being re-evolved from snake… to… uh, man. Ugh.
Sigma 6 - The Sigma 6 take on Cobra Commander was slightly different, trading in the military uniform for body armor and combining the helmet and hood for a single, unified look. It may all make more sense from a tactical standpoint, but at the same point, seems about as plausible as Fred’s duds.
GI Joe: Resolute – This time out, CC has a more muted blue/grey military uniform that’s slightly tweaked to create a more retro look. He carries a saber with him, and unlike Destro in his Iron Grenadier days, the Commander quickly shows he knows how to use it. Plus, the combination of the dress coat and cape/shawl give him a somewhat more distinguised air.
IDW - In the IDW-verse, Chimera wears a mask made out of a torn shred of Goya’s painting of Saturn devouring his offspring. And why not?
GI Joe: Rise of Cobra - In the forthcoming movie, Cobra Commander dresses like a gimp with his head stuck in a fish tank.
Where the hell do these guys shop!? Caus I'll tell you right now, it sure as hell ain't Kohls!
THE WINNER - GI Joe: Resolute. This costume simply had the most believable quality to it, and a more ominous presence than previous takes. Swap out the battle helmet for a hood, and this would be the perfect look, but even the helmet – with its tinny resperator like rasp in place of the snakelike hiss of old – made more sense here than in past incarnations.
The Character of Cobra Commander
Marve/Devil’s Due Comics - This version of the Commander is a stone cold killer, whether it’s an insubordinate usurper or his own son (TWICE!), the Commander takes no prisoners (unless he’s burying them alive in a freighter). Greatest achievement - Victory, though fleeting. During WWIII, the Commander won. Period.
GI Joe: Resolute - Not all that dissimilar from his comic book counterpart, this ruthless version of CC slits a lackey’s throat simply for saying the word “can’t.” Greatest achievement - He killed the entire population of Moscow. ‘Nuff said.
TV - Whether it was the 80′s toon or Sigma 6, television has always painted the Commander as a bit of a loon, concocting the most ridiculous plans possible for his many varied bids at world domination. At least in his Sigma 6 days, he had a bit of the edge seen in the comics (and later in Resolute). The 80′s Commander was a sniveling coward and world class buffoon who would’ve been a stretch as the leader of a Girl Scout troop, let alone a terrorist organization considered to be a viable threat to human freedom. Greatest achievement - Uhh… turning Serpentor into an iguana?
IDW - Chimera seemingly murdered his family and has undergone facial reconstructive surgery more than once in a bid to keep himself unknown and off the grid. Greatest achievement (so far) - Providing the Joe team with their headquarters. Good one!
THE WINNER - If you’re honestly not sure where I’m going here…
The Fix
So… where does all of that leave us? GI Joe: Resolute is seemingly set within the continuity of the original cartoon – to a degree. If it continues – and it had better – the writers would do well to borrow from Chimera’s backstory in the pages of IDW’s GI Joe: Origins. Ignore the Cobra-La foolishness and make this version of Cobra Commander a bit more believable, while upping the badass quotient to include further acts of violence and increasingly successful campaigns of terror. Oh, and let’s see the hood.
Filed Under: Columns • Retcon This!
You missed the hooded look. That was always my favorite. I even mailed away for the figure back in the day.
It’s true. While giving it props, I didn’t give it its fair share of press.
FIXED!
The Origin of Cobra Commander as depicted in the Marvel Comics was clearly the best. As someone who has watched his friends fall victim to the likes of Amway, this is clearly the most logical and plausible origin. Homebrewed terrorism, that was the Cobra way. And, it’s the clear, most interesting origin story.
Really? To me, a soldier who loses faith in his country is the more interesting and easiest to relate to origin…
>> Really? To me, a soldier who loses faith in his country is the more interesting and easiest to relate to origin…>>
See, where as I find that military origin to be too standard in a way. The charm of the Marvel Comics Cobra Commander was that he was an underdog. He lost his brother in the war, had a broken marriage, and he always felt like he was being trampled by the corrupt American system that chewed up and spat out guys like him. The Marvel Cobra Commander built his army from the ground up – traveling city to city – selling a better dream to disillusioned people like him. I mad the Amway reference before, but I think it stands … Cobra was a terrorist ponzi scheme with elements of guys like Timothy McVeigh and Jim Jones.
One problem David. Unless I’m mistaken, Cobra Commander didn’t lose his brother to the war. Cobra Commander’s brother was a drunk driver who killed Snake Eyes’ family along with himself. I guess, to me, this origin is sort of up there with the classic Punisher origin. Sure, these guys had tragic lives, but lots of people do. The idea that these guys took the most extreme course of action in response… it just never sat right with me. That’s why I love future Hidden Gem “Born,” which tells the story of Frank basically developing an alter ego to help him get through ‘Nam. When he comes home, it’s laid to rest, until the fateful day when his family is murdered, and it takes over permanently. ::shrugs:: I will say this, when I read Cobra Reborn from Devil’s Due, part of their GI Joe Reloaded line, I did begin to see how the oldschool CC origin could work. It finally started to make sense for me. I still like the new IDW take better, but at least it was all coming together.
I’m more with David on the origin. I like showing someone who is so fed up with everything going on that they feel like they have to do something about it themselves. The used car salesman part I like because if someone has even just a little bit of charisma, they can sway people to their beliefs.
For me it all shows the danger of just letting people hang living in a world that runs parallel to ours but is full of pain and anger.
>> He lost his brother in the war, >>
I meant that he lost his brother to the war, not in the war. I mispoke.
When his brother Dan returned from the the war, he was disillusioned and a disaster. Cobra Commander couldn’t get through to him. He was a mess that let him down the dark path that let to the drunk driving accident.
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Exactly. That’s the part that sells me on the origin. The charisma. The fast-talking. I wouldn’t mind if the IDW origin included an element of this, because right now the origin as it stands now just feels too generic.
On many of these other Retcon points, I agree with you. You are forgetting one of the most horrible Cobra Commander armors, though: http://www.yojoe.com/action/91/cobracommander4.shtml – my brother has this one – I though it was horrid!
Oh… I didn’t forget it. THAT one was left off intentionally. That was the version that came with a tiny little glider missile, and appeared in, what, four issues of the comic? One day, he’s suddenly wearing it; one day, it’s gone to never be seen again.
And I can agree with you guys on the logic of the charisma. I guess where the disconnect occurs for me, is, I can see someone in that position wanting to “right” the world. I just can’t see them deciding to assemble a terrorist army. But on the flipside, I see what you’re saying, that the ex-military nut case isn’t necessarily going to be able to bring people over to his cause. We haven’t seen much, so far, though. Hopefully, we’ll get a clearer picture of how things are organized. One thing I’m loving about IDW’s take is how Cobra is more of a clandestine organization, not a straight up rogue army.
He’ll always be a used car SSSSSSSSSalesman to me
Destro was always my fave anyway
Ya damn dirty Scot! (Says the guy who’ll be wearing the suit as Destro at WWC)