BLAARGH! Amazing Spider-Man #648 – Big Time part 1
Why do bad things happen to good fans? Whether it’s atrocious art, ridiculous writing or something else entirely – some crimes against fandom cannot go unanswered. When that happens, it’s time to say “BLAARGH!”
Written by Dan Slott
Art by Humberto Ramos
I can’t tackle the topic of today’s BLAARGH! without first addressing this issue as a whole. It is very much a jumping on point for readers, setting the tone of times to come for Peter Parker and establishing just who Spider-Man and his supporting cast of characters are. To that ends, it’s effective, if a bit clunky. Honestly, I don’t think there’s a single element of Spidey’s universe that isn’t addressed here. Don’t believe me? Relationships/characters established in this issue:
- Spidey’s membership on the Avengers and what they all seem to think of him
- Spidey’s friendship with the Human Torch and casual acquaintance with the FF in general
- Peter’s failed relationship with now ex roommate Michelle
- Peter’s failed relationship with now “ex” wife Mary Jane
- Peter’s failed career as a photographer
- Peter’s fear of Aunt May thinking he’s failed
- Peter’s on again/off again love affair with Black Cat
- Peter’s current romance with Carlie
- Peter’s new-found friendship with Flash Thompson
- Peter’s not-so-friendly relationship with Randy Robertson
- Ben Urich and his nephew, former Green Goblin, Phil Urich
- 3J’s on the rocks marriage
- Jonah’s father’s estranged relationship with Jonah’s son John
And on top of that, we get the groundwork laid for four separate villain threads involving Dr. Octopus and his new Sinsiter Six, the Venom symbiote and it’s almost certain search for a new host, Kingpin’s return to Spidey’s life with Roderick Kingsley (aka the Hobgoblin) in tow, and what I believe to be a new villain with his sights set on Jameson. When I say Dan Slott left no stone unturned in Spidey’s universe, I mean it. They even establish the existence of a new Goblin-cult forming on the streets. Honestly… again, I KNOW this issue is supposed to get readers up to speed, but holy HELL you could’ve saved a little of this exposition for #649.
Still, the art was good, some of the best I’ve ever seen from Ramos, and most of the story elements were decent.
Peter’s new job seems a bit forced, but his “audition” reads rather brilliantly. And, for as much of it as there is, the exposition mostly comes off pitch-perfect. Mind you, Tony Stark and Reed Richards showed none of the respect for Peter that we’ve seen in the past – or, for that matter, earlier in the issue. We also, for all we DID recap here, got no mention of Harry Osborn’s departure last issue. I would’ve expected at least a “If Harry hadn’t just left to go into hiding with his son, I could at least crash with him for awhile” line while Pete was on his house hunt.
As for the villains, I don’t think I’ve ever ACTUALLY read a Hobgoblin story, so I’m kind of looking forward to seeing this stalwart villain return. Also, this is the first time the Sinister Six have really rung true, in my book, with each member retaining their own voice and motivations. This could, of course, be because it’s the first time we’ve really HAD established voices for these guys beyond being money grubbing no-goodnicks on the lookout for an easy score or a revenge play against Parker. Sandman’s a father, Rhino’s a widower with nothing left to lose, Electro’s a self-styled god with an inferiority complex, Ock himself is ever-closer to true insanity and Mysterio and Chameleon? Well, they’re still self-interested crooks, but they’re playing those roles better than ever. Ock’s plans are bigger and better than ever, too. Well, for the most part. But I’ll get to that in a second.
Amazing Spider-Man #648 may be a bit too much at times, but all in all it swings away with 4 out of 5 web hammocks-that-Spidey-lays-down-to-sleep-on-but-that-would-have-dissolved-in-an-hour-as-per-the-limitations-of-his-webbing-which-were-even-discussed-earlier-in-the-issue. Still, this is the kind of book that people complain doesn’t exist. A one stop shopping experience for readers new and old-but-out-of-the-loop alike. The plot threads established here seem interesting, too, and Ramos’s art is the perfect fit. So with such a high rating, where’s the BLAARGH!?
This is going to sound like a minor nit to pick, and I suppose ultimately it is, but at the same time, it’s the sort of thing that was so awful I couldn’t stop thinking about it the entire time I read the book, and that shouldn’t be the case.
At the end of the initial battle with Doc Ock’s giant robo-octopi (no, Jonah, they’re not Spiders, and Dr. Jameson, you’ve been reading too much Alan Moore, I don’t think they’re squids either), Octavius activates the robots’ self-destruct sequence. Each massive metal mollusk is set to detonate in two minutes, twenty-eight seconds. As the Fantastic Four and Avengers fail to figure out how to bring the behemoths down without prematurely detonating them, Peter devises a master plan. He reminds the machines that it’s the first Sunday in November, and they’re on Daylight Savings time, garnering the heroes an entire hour to disarm the deadly devices.
Ummm… but that’s not how timers work.
If I set my microwave to cook something for sixty seconds, at 5:59, it counts down sixty seconds. It doesn’t specifically WAIT for 6 o’clock. It’s just a coincidence that the two times coincide.
As I said before, this probably seems like a ridiculous thing to gripe about, but really… it’s just ridiculous. Dan Slott is a talented writer, but he too often likes to get “cute.” I’m sure he thought of this idea as a rather tongue-in-cheek gimmick, and rather than dismissing it as too asinine to actually use, he decides “I’m the guy writing the book, I’ll do what I want” despite how TERRIBLY it reads. Plain and simple, you DON’T synch timer’s up to clocks. That’s not how timers work. Had this been a trap set by the Joker, with a bomb set to go off at a certain time, and Batman and Robin had gotten an extra hour because of Daylight Savings? That would’ve made perfect sense. But timers don’t CARE what time it is. Period.
Epic fail, Mr. Slott. Congratulations on writing one of the dumbest scenes I’ve ever witnessed. And that’s AFTER I read the panel where Spider-Woman asks Peter if he farted.
Oh, god, I love Ramos-Spidey. *waits for TPB*
Proposed renaming of this article: “BLAARGH! Amazing Spider-Man #648 – Big Time part 1, that panel with the reference to daylight savings time.”
LOL! I love you Jeff
Seriously, Kerouac, what the Hell? How broken is your brain that THIS is the type of thing that sticks in your craw, man!?
1) That’s because American Son WAS great and Joe Kelly is AMAZING on Spider-Man. HA! See what I did there?
2) Lee, that something like this DOESN’T bug you is infuriating. It’s hokey bullshit that writers in this day and age should be above. It doesn’t fit the tone of the book. These aren’t “funny books” anymore. The humor that’s there comes from wit, not slapstick antics and goofy “gotcha” moments. The implication that Doc Ock PLANNED for the Daylight Savings time trick to happen is even more infuriating. If he didn’t really want to blow up Mahattan, he could have done a number of things differently, including not setting the Octodrones to blow up AT ALL.
But again… there’s suspension of disbelief, ie – a boy was bitten by a radioactive spider and can now walk on walls – and there’s hack writing, ie – the Daylight Savings time bit. This is very much like a previous BLAARGH! of mine focusing on writers excusing their bad writing by acknowledging it. That’s not even what happened here. I really think Slott thought this was a neat idea, and if Stan Lee had written it in 65, it would have been. But in 2010, it’s some damned weak sauce.
3) Jeff, you’re right. But as I started to write the BLAARGH! I both couldn’t come up with a title and realized I wanted to review the issue, so I just mashed it all together.
I dropped ASM about 40 issues ago, but recently I’ve really been craving some Spidey comics (specifically 616 Spidey since I’m still getting and loving Ultimate Spider-Man). So, I thought about getting this issue when I found out that Hobgoblin was coming back. Despite never reading a 616 story featuring Hobgoblin, I’ve always loved him (mainly from the 90s cartoon even though I know he was a modified version, and also from Amazing Spider-Girl, plus I love his costume). I also LOVE LOVE LOVE Ramos’ art.
Flipping through the book I was immediately put off. I just don’t like Slott’s writing. The part where whatever it was that was going off was blowing people away and Peter moved toward it, stopped it, and then afterward someone said it didn’t make sense that he moved toward it and another guy said “who cares about that…” just pissed me off. It seemed like sloppy, silver age bullshit. So, I passed.
I’m also re-pissed about the OMD crap. I just read Sins Past for the first time, and I actually really dug it. Since I’ve never read anything with 616 Gwen I don’t have any kind of love for her, so this didn’t bug me too much. It was weird, but I still enjoyed it. And Deodato’s art is just gorgeous. Anyway, seeing Peter with MJ just reminded me of what they did and infuriated me all over again. Then in this issue Peter is basically a loser again having to ask everyone under the sun if he can crash with them. I can’t take that.
I like Slott. The Spidey hasn’t been great for me. Looking forward to giving this one a shot, but I can see the potential for Silver Age silliness based on past work.
I liked Slott on Avengers: The Initiative, but I thought his work on ASM and Mighty Avengers was god awful. I really wish that Joe Kelly was the one writing ASM. I thought American Son was great.
OK, actually I read this issue yesterday while on my break at work.
You’re not giving Slott enough credit in the exposition in regards to what Spidey did. It wasn’t as if Doc Ock made his timers to go off at X o’clock; Spidey just synched them up with a different type of counter (which he explained, I believe).
It seems like you have a problem with something that didn’t happen. “BLAARGH, he tricked the robots like they were Looney Tunes villains!” Nope, he just altered their programming. I read it specifically with your review in mind (and, mind you, I haven’t actually read ASM in 4 years or so), yet still couldn’t be as nit-picky as you were.
You know this shouldn’t be a BLARRGH! but you’ve got to stick to your guns.
@ Jeff: I don’t see how anyone can defend the DST bit as making sense. Being fun despite itself? Maybe. But making sense? Peter “slaved” a countdown timer to a clock. I find that completely ridiculous. Because again… countdown timers DON’T count down to a specific time. A countdown timer doesn’t care AT WHAT TIME it was going to go off, just that it was going to go off in two minutes, twenty eight seconds.
The fact that Ock had no intention of destroying Manhattan and admits that there was a “way out” makes it sound as though he had this EXACT course of action in mind, which makes the idea even DUMBER.
I’m sticking to my guns because I believe what I’m saying. I’ve had my opinion changed on things before (see: Jeph Loeb) but this is something I REALLY think was awful, and I hate these sorts of moments in comics that take me out of the story.
I read the issue this morning. Yeah, that DST bit is really stupid, but it fit in the whole “Pete does a lot of stuff right” vibe that this arc seems to be taking. Sure, it takes a major suspension of disbelief, but let’s not forget, this is a superhero comic.
The Slumdog Millionaire-esque ending to this issue was another nice touch, and I’m excited to see the Hobgoblin in action again. For the first time in a long time, ASM is becoming a title I’m looking forward to reading more of.
I will defend the DST bit as making sense because they were created by a guy who can psionically control metal arms that were grafted to his skin in a freak accident that continuously fights a guy who has spider powers.
Seriously, it’s not BLAARGH worthy. I’ve never pegged you for being THAT fanboyishly-nit-picky.
I also like Slott because he said he’d temporarily like the Red Sox while I was around.
Again, I’ll argue that doing stupid shit like this is different from standard suspension-of-disbelief items.
Cyclops shoots force blasts out of his eyes. It’s a stupid power that makes no sense, but it’s his POWER. That’s the thing you’re supposed to just accept. If Cyclops starts speaking in an alien tongue he’s never heard before and chocks it up to “It doesn’t sound THAT different from Latin, really,” then THAT is stupid and breaks up the flow of the story.
At least, that’s my opinion.
Sorry you don’t think this is BLAARGH!-worthy, but I absolutely do.
1 panel in 1 issue garners a BLAARGH!
With all of the steaming turds that have been tossed at Spidey (Goblin/Gwen Babies, OMD, OMiT, etc…), it’s the 1 panel that really grinds your gears? There wasn’t anything else to BLAARGH about?
Did you know Obama wants our kids to have gay, inter-racial abortions? Did you know that the GL sfx crew used mostly glitter, sticky paper and flashlights to bring Hal to life? How about how Powergirl has giant boobs but Supergirl doesn’t? BLAARGH!