Zombies vs. Cheerleaders #1
Jul 27th, 2010 | By Jason Kerouac | Category: Indies, Reviews
Written by Steve L Frank
Illustrated by Ben Glendenning, Jessica Hickman, Frankie B Washington, and David Namasato
Published by Moonstone
52 Pick-Up Week 30:
I don’t know who this comic book is for. The writing is too awful to be intended for serious comic fans, the art is too cartoony and doesn’t show enough to be intended as a spank source for young adults, and it’s not 1991, so a horny thirteen year old can’t dupe his mom into buying it for him at the grocery store checkout line. The book is a non-stop series of stupid gags and stilted writing that aren’t fun on their own and only serve to “showcase” the writer’s inability to, well, write.
Maybe this was intended as nothing more than a launching pad for the artistic talent? The art is easily the best part of the book, but that’s like saying that the rusty bolts are the best part of a rusty bolt and used hypodermic needle sandwich. These artists could go on to work elsewhere and, in the process, hone their trade. There’s some degree of hope for them, which is more than I can say for any other part of this book. But still, it seems unlikely the book was published just to serve them.
This leads me to my final conclusion. Moonstone, who I’d never heard of prior to this book, made a quick cash grab with the promise of pulchritudinous protagonists facing off against yesterday’s monster-of-the-day, zombies. And see, even in this, the book fails. The public has moved on to vampires. Zombies were so 2009.
To be honest, though, the wasted premise is the biggest problem with this book. I don’t usually gravitate towards zombies, nor do I tend to read books just for the T & A. The thought, however, of a book where zombies terrorize nubile young co-eds, had guilty pleasure written all over it. Breasts, brains, and bludgeonings, oh my! While all of that was IN the book, sure, none of it was ever used to maximum efficiency. The book is far too PG for the concept, the art is devoid of both sex appeal and terror, and the farcical writing would’ve distracted you even if everything else had been dead on. I’d like to propose a retcon, wherein cover artists Justin Ridge and Mark Bloodworth handle interiors and ANYBODY ELSE handles plots and scripts.
Zombies vs. Cheerleaders is an epic fail in almost every way possible and gets .5 out of 5 guilty chuckles. There is literally nothing here beyond the title and the covers that should motivate anyone to read this book.
Another failed experiment in branching out, though to be fair, I hadn’t much in the way of high hopes this week. Still, I thought the book would be a fun read, and I was wrong even in that assessment. A good zombie yarn shouldn’t leave you hoping a stray shotgun blast will put YOU out of your misery.
“a rusty bolt and used hypodermic needle sandwich”
Awesome
The book was based off of a sketch card set from 5Finity (which I totally worked on - http://www.FoxyArt.net).
Steve’s my boss and those guys are my colleagues so… thanks for buying the book.
Oh shit ^^^
Jason Kerouac’s libido should write a book of its own
Just take this as Kerouac’s way of saying YOU should have illustrated the book Foxy.
THAT would have been fantastic!
Foxy, I certainly hope I didn’t offend you with my review. There’s just so much more this could have been.
“a rusty bolt and used hypodermic needle sandwich” = Coke Zero squirting ouf of my nose. Thanks a bunch pal.
I love me some Jason Kerouac. Talk about making lemonade out of lemons. He could make a career out of reviewing shit comics and movies.
Oooooh… Mystery Comic Theater 4000!!!
Thank you for reviewing our book. I am sorry you didn’t like it, but I am glad you had nice things to say about the artists. In a way it was a showcase for them, as all of them worked on the sketch card series. I’m surprised you review comics and have never heard of Moonstone. They have been around for a decade and have, or recently had, the licenses for The Phantom, Buckaroo Banzai, The Spider, Zorro, The Green Hornet, Domino Lady, Kolchak the Nightstalker, and many other popular properties. Once again, thanks for the shout (bad buzz is better than no buzz).
Thanks for stopping by Steve.
In regards to not having heard of Moonstone, that’s one of the driving factors behind 52 Pick-Up. I grew up on Marvel, branched into DC, and really only stumbled onto publishers like Dark Horse, Dreamwave, Devil’s Due, and IDW because of their handling of properties I grew up with. Recently, I’ve come to appreciate the fact that there are a lot of other publishers out there, doing a lot of other things, and I’m giving them a try. Sometimes enjoying them, sometimes, not so much.
None of the properties you listed are anything that’s ever really been on my radar. That said, they may very well make it on for a future installment of 52 Pick-Up. While I know of most of them, Domino Lady and The Spider aren’t anything I’m even remotely familiar with, so maybe I’ll take a peek at one of those.
Cool, that actually makes the fact you picked up ZvC more gratifying, despite the scathing review, LOL. This comic was meant to emulate our popular sell-out sketch card series, so that is why there are a bunch of different artists (cover, interior, pin-up) working on it, at the expense of flow. The artwork cannot be “too cartoony” if it was meant to be (that’s like saying Archie comics are too cartoony) and we don’t claim to be Y the Last Man, the book is called Zombies vs Cheerleaders, for Pete’s sake, LOL. That’s like saying Airplane isn’t Oscar quality and it had too many gags. ZvC is just a fun title and we hope you give ZvC:Geektacular, our next issue, a chance. As a matter of fact, I’ll send you a complimentary copy if you send me your address (zvc@5finity.com). I would look forward to a review of it, as your reviews are quite good (and I have very thick skin). Thanks, man! Steve
Oh, please don’t misunderstand me. When I say the art is “too cartoony,” I simply meant in regards to potential sex appeal. What it boils down to is this: The biggest problem I have with the book is that, were I to put out a book entitled “Zombies vs. Cheerleaders,” I’d vamp it up. I’d go for a Heavy Metal (the motion picture, not the comic) look and feel. Sure, I’d keep some of the silliness, but I’d also have played up the sex appeal more, keeping with the tone we see on the covers. The scenes in the book that do have a bit of sexual tension are quickly diffused with a heaping helping of levity. That’s the direction you guys chose to take, and that is most certainly your call. The art looks great, but it doesn’t have the sex appeal I expected from the cover, that’s all I’m saying in regards to the art and it being “too cartoony.”