Figure 8 – Licenses that should be Revoked
The PoP! Stars give their take on the latest and greatest in Action Figures and Toy Lines in eight (succinct) parts.
This week: Licenses that need to be Revoked
Sometimes sought-after toy licenses fall into the wrong hands, whether it’s through back-room-dealings, the almighty dollar, or the license-holder just not giving a shit. This week’s Figure 8 chronicles some of the biggest disappointments from some of the most beloved properties, and suggests new homes for the licenses.
The Goonies – Mezco Toys
It only took 20+ years for our favorite band of adolescent adventurers (and their down-syndromed buddy, Sloth) to get an action figure line. Too bad they were god-awful. Never having actually held one in my hand, since they were butt-ugly and tres-expensive, I’d be surprised if these things had more than 3 points of articulation per. They’ve all got that “shitting in the woods” crouch that the early-90′s Dick Tracy movie figures perfected. As a kid who watched one VHS, and one VHS only during the 80′s, consisting of Teen Wolf, Gremlins, and The Goonies, it’s a testament to the mediocrity of this line that I don’t own them. That’s a bad Mezco. BAD. The license should’ve been placed in more capable hands, like NECA or Sota toys.
Guitar Hero – McFarlane Toys
Okay, McFarlane was working on toys for the highly-popular video game series, Guitar Hero. One would assume McFarlane would keep to his 6-7 inch scale, highly detailed, but not-so-articulated style of the Spawn line, Movie Maniacs, and his sports lines. However, with Guitar Hero, not only did Todd reduce the scale to 4-5 inches, but added slightly more articulation than his usual fare. The scale was unfortunate, especially considering the just-short-of $10 price point, and the articulation was a waste of ball-and-socket joints, because in some cases, the Heroes could hardly hold their guitars! And, really, that was the most hardcore pose they could come up with for resident Guitar Hero techno-viking, Lars Umlaut, which I own, begrudgingly? I wouldn’t mind McFarlane keeping the license, but seriously; Start over again. These don’t work for me.
Terminator: Salvation – Playmates
- Christian Bale as John Connor. Seriously.
Not as if anyone was necessarily clamoring for figures based on the 2009 summer flick, Terminator: Salvation, but Playmates made them anyhow, and they are still clogging toy aisles some 10 months after the release of the critical and box-office disappointment. It would be nice if these things at least bore some resemblance to their film counterparts. In the picture above, obviously, Common as Barnes is the black guy, but are those other two honkies Anton Yelchin’s Kyle Reese and Sam Worthington’s Marcus Wright…? The most laughable likeness is courtesy of the line’s John Connor figure, as played in the flick by DP-reaming Christian Bale. Did they just give up, and slap goggles and a helmet on him? Did they not have Bale’s permission? THEN THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE THE LINE. NECA has been taking care of T2 figs, so when they get around to it, they can handle a Marcus Wright and adult John Connor. We don’t really need much else, do we?
Dexter – Bif Bang Pow!
Dexter vs. Doakes
Again, for as much as a LOVE Dexter and talk about it on the PanelsOnPages.com PoP!-Cast (Tuesday nights at 10PM EST) every chance I get, I should want to own licensed Dexter action figures. These, Bif Bang Pow!, are all you’ve got? The changeable arms are a great touch, as are the garbage bag and blood slide, but a lack of knee-articulation and a facial sculpt that gives me terrible flashbacks to Monkey Princess Leia from the Kenner’s Power of the Force line kill the mood. I’d plunk down my hard-earned cash for this thing if I didn’t think other Dexter fans would look at me like an asshole. How hard does a toy company have to try to get me to NOT want to own a Dexter vs. Doakes 2-pack? Well…maybe trying hard wasn’t on their To-Do list. It ended up being canceled, anyhow. Fuck it, if a Dexter Line is going to have no articulation, I’d at least like it to LOOK like Dexter. DC Direct, you win. Take it. And I’ll take a Rita figure.
Lost - Bif Bang Pow!
McFarlane had the Lost license at one point, and put out some REALLY beautiful “diorama” style toys featuring everyone’s favorite 815-ers. How did Todd lose his grip on arguably one of the biggest genre-licenses on the market? And whose bright idea at ABC was it to allow Bif Bang Pow!, a company I hadn’t heard about until their abysmal Dexter figures, to make these Mego-style nightmares? If there’s anything the toy industry has NOT been missing the past 20 years, it’s been cloth clothing. Unless you’re Hot Toys. And Bif Bang Pow! is not. Ventriloquist dummies look at these Lost figures and get creeped out. Y’know, despite their fuck-up on The Goonies line, and the middling Heroes line, Mezco, I’d like to see what you can do with the residents of Lost island.
Metalocalypse - Shocker Toys
Shocker Toys not only hold the distinction of putting out this dog-toy worthy vinyl line of Dethklok, the bringers of Adult Swim’s Metalocalypse, but are widely notorious for providing the shittiest of public relations and customer service amongst upstart toy companies. Never before have I seen a toy company rep flame users on message boards for calling them out on the shittiness of their product. And it’s apparent…these things are shitty. Just like Shocker Toys’ Indie Spotlight line, I’ve yet to see these figures on shelves other than the Shocker booth at Chicago Comic-Con, neither have I met anyone that owned them. They don’t even come with instruments! How do you have an action figure line based on an animated death metal band, and NOT at least provide guitars, drumsticks, and mic for the respective members? Fuck Shocker Toys. Fuck them in their stupid asses. I’d give Playmates a chance to redeem themselves for their Terminator line.
The Venture Brothers – Bif Bang Pow!
An exec at Bif Bang Pow! must have compromising pictures of somebody at Showtime, ABC, and Adult Swim for the way in which the company seemingly came out of nowhere to lock up 3 big-name licenses. Also, whomever is doing the quality control at Adult Swim needs to be given their pink slip, because following the abortion that is Shocker Toys’ Metalocalypse line, this should have been avoided. Why does Bif Bang Pow! have a hard-on for the old Mego-style? Those haven’t been cool in forever, and were only cool in the Mego-era because there was no other choice. Remember Marvel’s Famous Covers, Bif Bang Pow!? Yeah, neither does anyone else, and these Venture Brothers toys are arguably just as bad. Also, for a universe as rich as that of The Venture Brothers, do they expect us to buy hundreds of these (likely) $20+ dolls? Because I’m such a fan of VB, I could almost imagine cherry-picking from the line, but they are just too unsightly to even consider. The Brock Samson and #21 break my heart the most. How about this: give Playmates the rights to ALL the Adult Swim shows, and let them reboot the Adult Swim line started some years ago by the now defunct Palisades. Or, I could easily see The Venture Brothers in Justice League Unlimited style by Mattel.
Fucking dreadful.
Marvel Legends - Hasbro
Y’know this breaks my fatty-nerd-heart to add this line to my list, let alone close the show with it. Toy Biz’s Marvel Legends were far from perfect, but there were plenty of bright spots to outweigh the dark stains. Then, Marvel, owners of Toy Biz, thought it in their best interest to give away their premiere toy line to Hasbro, a 3rd party. How could the company that holds the licenses for Star Wars, G.I. Joe, and Transformers possibly fuck this up? The Hasbro Legends line started out with a whimper, notoriously featuring the ugliest female Legend since Scarlett Witch in the form of White Queen. However, the line eventually grew legs and showed some potential, until, that is, Hasbro decided to make the shift from the 6-inch Legends scale to the 3 3/4-inch Marvel Universe scale. While Legends are technically cancelled, thanks to the few-and-far-between 2-Packs released by Hasbro, which, to their credit, are REALLY nice, the line has been more-or-less shelved in favor of the smaller scale Universe line. Hasbro, stop sandbagging the Legends scale, and hand it back over to Marvel, specifically, Marvel Toys. I just want my Legends back.
–Knize
Filed Under: Figure 8
I know I’m in the minority, but I kinda dig those Venture Bros toys. That style is NOT conducive to Lost, but I think it fits Team Venture given the retro style of the show. Here’s hoping the final product weeds out some of the imperfections in the prototypes.
where’s the antennas on #21 and #24?
Those Goonie figures are creepy as hell but I like how they sculpted the clothes. The likeness is not al that bad either. But damn, are they creepy to look at.
Knize. I want to be inside you. That is all. <3
Lee, I think it’s safe to assume those are the Venture Brothers figures that will be on shelves. UNLESS, Adult Swim, Jackson Publick, Doc Hammer, et al., come to their senses and scrap the whole line. You can’t with good conscience say that these are the Venture Brothers toys that you wanted. Why should we settle? Why should we plunk down our hard earned money just because it’s a license that we WANT, but not necessarily the product? If we vote with our wallets, that might keep Bif Bang Pow! from a license that would be even more of an insult. Seriously…after my initial reaction of “Yay, Venture Brothers!”, I realized these things look no better than the Burger King Simpsons dolls from the late 80′s. http://www.adamgoldfine.com/simpsons/images/burgerkingdolls.jpg
I’m with Knize on all of these. The Dexter figure isn’t the WORST thing on this list, but it’s nowhere near as good as it SHOULD be, based on what else is out there. Same for the Venture toys. Like Knize said, we shouldn’t have to be settling.
Thanks to K-Whack for the article title and Terminator Toys as an entry. I totally forgot that I wanted to throw the assy Mattel WWE figures on the list.
I wish to got someone else could have gotten the Metalocalypse toyline, it is sad to see something that bad made of one of my favorite modern shows. I don’t get why you would want JLU mattel style Venture brothers figs. Hasbro would do a much better job in the 3.75″ scale. Mattel’s small stuff just sucks. I can’t believe you had Legends on the list instead of AVATAR. Avatar figures collected dust so fast, I saw them on clearance at Walmart for $1 two nights ago…and still didn’t even pick them up. They were horrible, not even usable as custom fodder. Hasbro made plenty of awesome Legends though, I think there is just a lingering of nerd-rage about the line being cut down to some exclusives. Hasbro has done amazing things with the Marvel license, with the exception of the XO:wolverine figures (though they gave us 2 kick-ass Deadpools). You still have Marvel Select to look forward too as well.
Hey asshole! Shocker Toys does not even have the rights to Dethklok anymore. Check your facts first before flapping your fat mouth! Man nothing but cry babies…….
But… They DID have it… That’s kinda the point of this particular piece.
As for the Ventures, they’re not what I was expecting, but they’re still pretty neat, I think.
I don’t know the bif bang pow stuff seems a lot more like dolls than action figures. I’ll be passing on them for sure.
After years of love and support, Pizza Hut finally turns its back on Knize.
@Pizza Hut: If Shocker Toys felt the need to not include instruments with toys of a band, then they deserved to lose…well, everything they had, frankly.
How is it being a cry-baby by referencing the fact that Shocker Toys (your employer, perhaps?) dropped the ball?
Also, your mouth is fat, too. Fat Mouth!
Could have fooled me since the topic reads “Licenses that should be Revoked”. It should read Licenses that should (have been) Revoked. As far as I know from what I heard most of the fans were happy with the vinyl figures of Dethklok, the statues on the other hand were god awful! Also they did sell out of all the ones they made and I have seen them from time to time sell on the Bay for over $180 a set. I know someone who picked up the Dr. Rockzo Mallow at Monster Mania this past weekend and they love it. So I always say “If it fits the collector buy it!” Maybe if you whine-babies did less whining and more emailing to companies when they show prototypes they may make the changes you wish to see. As for Dethklok and Shocker Toys their forums mentioned they never got to make the action figures the license deserved, so I do not see this attack as having any merit!
Yeah, you stupid whine-babies! How dare you criticize something that, by the manufacturer’s own admission, is inferior!
God bless.
I think that Dexter figure has Lou Ferrigno’s face. *shrugs* I don’t know, that’s just what came to mind.
Just because George Clooney admitted that Batman and Robin was a horrible turd, that does not now grant immunity for the film in regards to criticism.
@ Pizza – During the prototype stage, Shocker Toys was made directly aware of fans concerns and complaints, and they rather violently slammed the door on people who were criticizing them. I was there, I saw it happen. So, now, after the fact, my colleague is commenting on 8 toy lines that weren’t given the quality treatment they deserve – something that apparently Shocker openly admits about the Dethklok figures. Your problem lies… where? With the title of the article? My sincerest apologies.
And, yes, “If it fits the collector” is a perfectly valid POV. For instance, I like 3.75″ toys, so I’m digging the Marvel Universe line now. Knize is all about 6 inchers (that’s what she said) and therefore is upset about the shift from that scale. That said… spotty paint apps and a lack of accessories as obvious as this? Who does that fit? Who’s out there saying “I would really love to have a figure of Elton John, but I don’t want him to come with a piano, and if he could be dressed conservatively and look like he has Bell’s Palsy*, that’d be great.”???
*No offense to people with Bell’s Palsy OR a conservative fashion sense. It’s simply an extreme departure from how Elton John ACTUALLY looks.
The VB figures aren’t as dreadful as I’ve heard, but I agree that a JLU style would have been so much better.
The Dexter, Lost, and Deathklok figures look horrible, though.
@Kerouac
*slow clap*
I LOVE the Biff Venture Brothers “figures” (*cough* dolls*), but I have a love for cheesy dorky things, and I know I’m in the minority. They REALLY needed to make a 3.75″ or 6″ action figure line as well though (with accessories & vehicles!), to satisfy all collectors (or the larger percentage). Pretty dumb $ move. Mego lovers are a small minority, especially with cartoon network shows where the young fans never have, and would never want to hold a mego, want to buy figures.
As far as the Marvel 3.75″ or 6″ scale. I have no use for 3.75″ figures. Size DOES matter
Here here, Splitty! Huzzah!
See?! Lee thinks size matters too.
As a fat due, Lee KNOWS size matters.
Well, they have certainly done more with what they have at 3.75″ scale, looking across all their lines. Would you rather have a big toy that leaves you underwelmed over and over again, or a smaller figure that has diversity and gets things done right?
God Bless Adult Swim for discontinuing the Shocker Toys Metalocalypse line. I’m so happy. I’d take credit…if it wasn’t for the fact that it happened 3 months ago.
HWXS, your argument is bunk, because if, as you say, they “get things right” in the Universe scale, why couldn’t they “get things right” in the Legends scale? Also, you claimed earlier that Hasbro did make some good Legends figures…and as I admit in the article, especially with the two packs, they made some amazing stuff. I’ve seen the Universe figures. They suck. I don’t want to own them, ever. Hasbro sandbagged the Legends line because they wanted to do Universe, using less plastic thereby saving money, yet not passing it on to the consumer.
Until Hasbro gives me waist and upper torso articulation, they haven’t “gotten things right” in any scale. I hate this “UT only” crap. Plus, I would love it if they solidified their 3.75″ articulation across their licenses. How can Star Wars figures have wrists that go up & down or side-to-side, in addition to the standard 360, but Joes or MU can’t? Or, MU & Joes get double-jointed knees, and hips that can go out, instead of just back & forth, but SW doesn’t? Same scale…same company…Double You Tee Eff? O_O”
Oh, and 2″ all the way, em-effers: http://panelsonpages.com/?p=10420
XP
@Pizza Hut: I like Papa Johns better.
Fuck, I want pizza, now.
Shocker Toys makes terrible toys. They’re like the Mr. Jim’s of action figures.
Shocker Toys makes toys? I thought they just made terrible PR.
…I liked the Famous Covers line… except for that ridiculous rubber mask they had on Wolverine. And the mittens some people had. Y’know what, maybe that line *did* kinda suck…
Bif Bang Pow should not be allowed to make toys! Those things are horrible.
@Lee. The newer 3.75 MU guys like Thor and some other do have both UT and waist articulation. I think a lot of it has been experimental and the formula will be perfected some day. They have like 6 more years to get it right. I may have my 500th Spiderman by then. I just hope one is Ben Riley.
@Knize. Such hate. Kwhak came to the dark side. It is good, they are fun, they interact with other lines and playsets. They cost less, they are easier to customize, (I’ll put up my Pheonix, X-men costume DP, and Bob Agent of Hydra in about 2 weeks) and they take up less space on the shelf. I’ll be it I have 700 Gi Joes for them to compete with…and a wife, but in theory they do. I don’t think they failed with the figures, every line from every manufacturer makes a few duds (cable/Marvel girl 2-pack for sure.) The economy sucked for a bit and they don’t make them just to appeal to collectors. You should feel happy they haven’t “discontinued” the line all the way. Mighty Muggs…. that is a whole different animal though. I think they are being handled way worse. Then again if I had the Deadpool one I wouldn’t care about them anymore either.
Is Marvel Select not a viable option for larger scale?
Marvel Select is not a viable option.
And no, I don’t have to admit Jungle Punisher is awesome. That whole Holocaust line is stunted…Beast is absolutely horrendous.
I’m not at all a hardcore Hasbro hater when it comes to their treatment of the Legends line (I think they got more than a few right), that jungle Punisher is atrocious, I gotta say.
@ Knize – You WANT to hate the MU figs, so you do. Yes, the sandbagging of Legends sucks. It upset me too. But I’ve come to realize there’s a LOT of good product at the 3.75″ line.
@ Ten – Nicely played, sir. I pass the slow clap on to you.
@ Elmo – I had the FC figures. I THOUGHT I loved them. No. They were ass.
@ hXs – Marvel Select isn’t a viable option, because it’s not “in scale” with Legends any more than the MU figures are. Sure, it’s bigger figures, but it’s still not one cohesive line.
You gotta admit that legends jungle punisher is fukkin rawsome.
Also like the Max fig and the beast fig
@hXs – I’m doing MU the same way I did ML. X-Men Family & others I think are cool. I don’t think Thor is cool. None of the ones I own have both waist & upper torso articulation (and some of the Comic Style Wolverine Origins figs have even less articulation on other body parts than some of the MU ones, like in the wrists or ankles).They should all have the same PoA. They shouldn’t pick & choose which figures get what, nor should I have to buy a figure I don’t want just for the “improved” articulation.
@Kerouac – The fact that there is more options for the 3 3/4 line doesn’t change the fact that a lot of us put a ton of money into collecting Marvel Legends and to see the line go the way it has is a slap in the face to collectors. Though I really did love the recent two packs and yes The Punisher variant is actually quite good.
Forgot to add that the Punisher figure has an excellent sculpt, the articulation on it makes me want to cry.
We must all have different Punisher figures, because the one I got with my Holocaust/Nemesis BAF piece was quite possibly the ugliest sculpted, inarticulated piece of shit I have ever wasted my money on.
I can see why some wouldn’t like the sculpt but compared to the other Punishers that Marvel Legends had put out I dug it.
There’s only one Punisher worth a damn: http://panelsonpages.com/?p=8635
I wasn’t a fan of the series 4 punisher. I couldn’t stand the face.
Frank Castle isn’t supposed to be a male model…
That Punisher LOOKS like a guy beat to hell a hundred times over. It rocks.
I know that, I just didn’t like it compared to what he looks like in the comics, now granted he does look similar to some of his 80′s and 90′s portrayals but I didn’t read comics then because I: 1. wasn’t born in the 80′s and: 2. learned to read too late to be in on any of the big stories of the 90′s. The first book I read with Punisher in it was one of the Punisher Max books and that was only after seeing the Tom Jane movie. It’s a new generation guys, scary huh. lol.