If it weren’t for the fact that the second episode of this reality-trainwreck didn’t rely heavily on a “plot” centered around comic books, I wouldn’t be reviewing this for PoP!  However, if you dig the review, let me know, and I’ll continue!  I’ll be watching the show, anyhow…

Celebrity Apprentice - The Official Site

The Deets:

Real-Estate-Magnate turned Billionaire turned Board-Game-Star turned Reality-TV-Superstar turned Bad-Hair-Joke turned Board-Game-Star Donald Trump corrals sixteen “celebrities” to compete in “challenges” in order to win “money” for their favorite “charity”.   At the conclusion of every challenge, Donald Trump “fires” the weakest competitor.

Here’s the roster:

Annie Duke — PPMILF (Poker-Playing MILF).

Andrew Dice-Clay — Comedian who hasn’t been funny (or relevant) since the 1980’s.

Brian McKnight — “Baby-makin’ music” maker.

Brande Roderick — Hef’s former finger-warmer.

Clint Black — Superstar to “Middle America”.  “Guy in a Hat” to the rest of us.

Claudia Jordan — Briefcase opener.

Dennis Rodman — That guy on the Bulls that kicked that guy in the balls.

Hershel Walker — Concussion victim.

Jesse James — The modicum of “cool” on this whole f—ing show.

Joan Rivers — Elephant Woman.

Melissa Rivers — Daughter of Elephant Woman.

Khloe Kardashian — That one with the sister with the huge ass.

Natalie Gulbis — Professional Female Athlete not named Maria Sharipova or Danica Patrick.

Scott Hamilton — Ice Princess.

Tom Green — Remember this guy from that one month in 1999?

Tionne Watkins — Ain’t Too Proud to Beg!

So…yeah.

When I first saw the cast (at least Green, Rodman, Dice, and Rivers), I had to give this show a go.

In the premiere episode, they were split into teams based on their reproductive organs (Men:  Kotu, Women:  Athena), and were challenged to make and sell cupcakes on the streets of Manhattan, and the “outies” lost, leading to The Dice-Man getting chucked by The Donald.

This week, on Celebrity Apprentice:

Episode 2, Challenge 2 required the teams to design a superhero, write a back story, and a 4-panel comic-strip as an ad campaign for Zappos.com.  The poor Zappos.com CEO not only looked terribly uncomfortable on camera, but was clearly uncomfortable around what might be considered “attractive” women.  But more on that later.

Scott Hamilton and Khloe Kardashian served as Team Project Managers for this task, and were immediately challenged to reign in the thoughts and ideas of 6-7 other people who didn’t know what the f— they were talking about.

After each team utilized the help of a duo of Image Comics employees (Mice Templar artist Michael Avon Oeming, I Kill Giants writer Joe Kelly, Viking writer Ivan Brandon and Grounded artist Paul Azaceta, source:  ImageComics.com) both teams are set to pitch their concept and character to a focus group full of under-sexed fanboys.  Some of the fanboys pontificate in video interviews about the surreality of “talkin’ comics” with a Playboy Playmate.  Case #1 Claudia Jordan makes a back-hand comment as the focus group exits, asking, “Were those a group of virgins, or what?”

Tom Green, the sole-standing “comedian” of the men’s team, tried feverishly to get his off-the-wall ideas heard, but was stopped at every turn by Scott Hamilton’s toe-pick.  Eventually, Hamilton made the executive decision to call their character “EEE”, for “Everything, Everywhere, Everytime”.  My favorite bit of the whole show was Tom Green’s to-camera venting about having his ideas dismissed (44:35).

In the end, the deer-in-the-headlights Zappos.com CEO chose Team Athena’s “Mizz Z” character over the ridiculously-named “EEE” from the men’s team, allowing the women their second victory and safety from elimination.  After a heated boardroom discussion between the men, Project Manager Scott Hamilton, Tom Green, and Hamilton’s “Cheerleader” Hershel Walker were put up for elimation, with Hamilton’s decision to name the character “EEE” ultimately getting his ass FIRED by the guy with the rats nest on his head.

Next week, following Hamilton’s f–k-up as Project Manager, Tom Green takes the reigns for the mens’ team to throw a bridal fashion show.

Celebrity Apprentice airs Sundays at 9 PM EST on NBC.

–Knize