Holy Crap! Remember… Elvira, Mistress of the Dark!?
Oct 25th, 2009 | By Matthew Cavazos | Category: Columns, Holy Crap! Remember...Ah, nostalgia! Be it that old cartoon, a favorite toy or a comic book from days gone by, isn’t it great, when out of the blue, the memories come flooding back, and you’ve no choice but to exclaim “Holy Crap! Remember…?”
Whether or not you’re familiar with my work, online activities, or even my proclivities then it comes as no shock when you find this article to be about the Number 1 Movie Hostess with the Mostest, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. She’s got the Big C’s that make my heart go pitter patter and my knees weaker than a chair constructed of toothpicks: Charisma and Comedic-timing.
Also, Cleavage.
Elvira, aka Cassandra Petersen, makes her first starring role in this 1988 comedy that takes digs at both “B Grade Horror” films and that cloister of society that rebukes mischief, mayhem, and mammaries the very genre promotes.
Alliter- Alliter- Alliteration, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
In the Mistress of the Dark, Elvira is the host of a local station’s horror movie showcase where she does her thing to 50’s horror and scfi schlock. Fed up with this lifestyle she’s got her manager lining up a big Las Vegas Show where she can show off various talents to an adoring audience except she needs to come up with 50 large fast in order to secure the venue for her big show. Fate smiles upon our busty beauty when a long lost Aunt Morgana leaves her an inheritience that is not as grand as she dreams it to be.
There are no words... just, shhhh.
After a string of sexy sexy mischief she arrives in a sleepy New England town discovers her true inheritance is her Aunt’s decrepit mansion and a mysterious ”cookbook”. In an effort to come up with the cash she decides to fix up the mansion, help out the undersexed teenaged population, and bed the town hunk and all that stands in her way are horny drunks, the uptight city council, and her evil warlock of an Uncle.
With her “valley girl” facade spliced with a devilishly, quick wit Elvira deftly utilizes every minute of her screen time to immerse you in her carefree pursuit of sex and fame. When she’s not on screen her cast is peppered with former members of the New York comedy improv troupe The Groundlings ensuring a natural flow to the supporting cast’s Elvira-less scenes.
Edie McClurg plays Chastity Pariah the ad-hoc "leader" of the prudes. Totally the secretary from Ferris Bueller's Day Off!
As the ultimate icon of all things Halloween, Elvira’s first major theatrical release is a must see for any horror holiday viewing line up.
Torch carrying mobs, punk rock poodles, and a cassarole that wants to eat YOU is just part of the fun you can find in this 80’s tongue-in-cheek romp.
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And as a bonus here is the recently released music video of Ghoultown’s Opus about our resident raven-haired Mistress of the Dark!
I remember see this as a young, horny 13 year old with my friends. Seeing them….I mean her…one the big screen gave me pleasure for years to come.
Great article Matt! And a great video! Though I’m not sure I personally feel the need to ever hear that song again…
I love how both “boobs” and “breasts” are in the search tags. We have a new spam target, ladies and gentlemen!
Great write up, Matty. This was one of the 6 movies I used to rent on a constant rotation as a kid.
Never watched this movie, but I’m a big Elvira fan. Hellooooo Netflix…
I’ve been a fan of hers since I was about five or six and would wake up late at night and stumble into the living room to find my parents watching late night television. They’d always let me stay up and watch with them and so I would get a double-dose of Rawhide and Elvira.
I love her..
Many nights of naughtiness as a child were because of her.
And i love you for including the Ghoultown video.
Elvira is directly the cause of my love for cleavage and big boobs. No question about it.
Also my love of Goth Girls now that I think about it.
I don’t think I was old enough when she was real big to fully appreciate her…everything.
Yes! I saw her at a show not that long ago and I’d still hit it. Same with Spuds Mackenzie. I’d still hit it.